God’s gift

If loving you is all I do right, then life as I see it, well it’s at the very least a life that I am happy to be living. And knowing that you love me, no matter how much, I know that I will meet my maker complete.

You see, whenever​ you go through life without love in your heart, love given by another human being, you end up living in a state of non-existent chaos. Not sure what you are here for. You end up seeking out the “Best Choice” or “Always Save” brand of people and letting the real stuff go. I know cause I’m guilty of it.

I’ve settled in life. Settled for what some people said I was worth. Settled for the chance to not not be alone, no matter what I lost. I would pick up the shattered peices of my life and start over.

That is until you looked into my eyes and made me believe that you love me. ME! Not the usual me, but the me that only God knows. The good. The bad. The indifferent. The me that wants to be alive. The me that not only believe in those words that made me whole, made me love again.
You know what I went through? Do you know how hard it was to do that? How much faith it takes to get through the days you don’t want me. How the love you try so hard to hide, is so vivid in those eyes when you look at me. How many times have you tried to make it go away? More than you should. You told me once that you were so lucky to have me, that I was a gift from God. God gave you none other than me. But why?

To hold you always. No matter what mood you’re in. Because my arms, although small and weak, are filled with unconditional love. To be your rock when it gets too much because I have lived through hell, been given a life Job would have given up on. I have grown up without love, only to find a way to show people that love is the way to miracles​..

Faith, hope and love. These 3 things were given to us to provide for one another. And it’s said.. THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE. I fell in love with you the day you gave me all 3 things that God wants for us. You have me these things, not seaperate, but together as God intended. And you gave me love that defies logic, and that is why I’m not going to give up.

Once in a lifetime. Yes… Once. Don’t let it go. Don’t let it pass us by. Cause second best will never last forever…. And I don’t want to be always searching for you in somebody else. There is no person who is ever going to measure up. No person who is ever going to make me feel like you do. So hold on baby.. hold on tight to the God given gift we are lucky to have found in each other.

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The blue box

Day one… Yes, I had to start over again. Start with sleeping too much, crying till I can’t cry anymore. People have this belief that a drug addict is a horrible person who won’t change, who fucks everyone over, robs, steals for a “fix” blah blah blah. They​ don’t know who I am. I’m loyal to the point I break my own heart. And for what? Oooh, I know… Just for the attention. That’s what it is…. Well that’s the rumors. You think I like having to depend on my dependency? You honestly think it’s fun poking a needle in my arm or putting a glass bowl up to my mouth and get high? No it’s not fun, but nessesary to forget. Nessesary to jumble my thoughts into doing nothing but look twaked to the max. Wander the streets down in the hood at 3am where pretty little white  girls like me should not be. It makes me unafraid to die. I don’t want to die, but then again, I have nothing else to live for. Today marks the beginning of the end for me. I can’t even eat my Kraft Mac N Cheese. I love the blue box. I only wanted to be a better person because of him. Not for him.. but because the look he gives me makes me feel him from across the room. Because my soul wakes up in his presence. Because when he touches my skin, kisses my lips, I understand the true meaning of LOVE. I feel God’s love through a simple man. No one will ever be able to make me feel this way. Never again.. and why would I want to anyway? Just to have the devil take it again… No. Not again. I’d rather sit here with my blue box and pray God takes me soon.

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Welcome to my theme park

Before we get started, I’d love to introduce myself.

I’m a lover and a warrior, yet put my heart and soul on a shelf.

I leave it on the lazy Susan, spinning round and round

Making my self dizzy, with the whirring sound

Makes it harder to understand the situation that is at hand

Makes me feel moronic when clarity I demand

So I follow my cousins example, so on paper is my fights

You can find him here on WordPress #Rinehartwrites

I will have to keep updating, and feedback wouldn’t be so bad

Just please let’s keep it civil, my life’s rantings can’t be that bad. 

So what, I’m an addict. I have been for many years

I don’t use for satisfaction, but because it clouds my fears.

I’m a soldier for my country, a veteran, if you may ask

It’s part of my problem, and it’s also proven fact. 

I’ll let you get to know me. I’ll help you to understand

I never wanted to be this way, it isn’t what I had planned

This coaster ride is open, my words successfully read

Hang tightly though I caution, cause there’s no refund in my head