Does it really matter?

I’m so stupid. I’m writing this all for the world to see, but chances are you willing ignore it like you do me. Why can I not hate you for what you have done? I’m so broken inside and I really need you to help piece my heart back together.
How do I know the things you say are true? How do I know when it’s all just talk. Till you get what you want out of me.. Why did you go from marry me to loathe me in just night? I finalize my divorce to be able to marry you and what… You don’t want me? Am I too real for you.. No baby, I’m not a dream..  I’m reality and​no one else can love you as much as I can.. and do. Keep hurting me and I will never be able to bring my self back to the land of life…

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Undeserving

I believed you when you’d tell a lie

Don’t understand the reasoning why

Every time you choose to hurt me more

It’s one more last chance undeserving for

But still my love is fighting thru

Cause I know this isn’t you.

Take my heart and make it whole

It’s hurting and it takes its toll.

It’s up to you to make right this wrong

And love prevails all along.

Please my love come back to me.

Only you can set me free

No mas pantalones

Question… Who out there thinks that agreeing to something and doing the opposite is ok to do? You can say over and over to me, and I will believe you.

Superman,
That “S” stands for hope. HOPE YOU IDIOT. I am trying to be your Wonder Woman and every time I start believing in my life and your words again, you stop talking. You’re stealing away all my hopes. Slowly, one by one. There isn’t much left.. You should count this as a warning. I’m not sure if I can get my life better than before.. or even the same. I would die of heart break. I told you from the start. Don’t make love you. Cause I’m invested till death. I can’t do it half way. And I’m done doing it alone

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I see you.. I see you for real. Everytime those x-ray eyes burn into my soul. Don’t you Love me? I am Wonder Woman, your super-hero. Don’t hide from us. Wreck that phone booth baby. I got you.. I always will. But when hope runs out, I’m not going to live in misery. 

Punished for the thought

Now, being unable to process my thoughts in an orderly fashion most of the time keeps my ass planted in the seat.. Not that I’m lazy, but because I am usually freaked out by the unknown.

Around 12:20 am Central Time, I heard blood curling screeching of a vehicle’s​ tires across the roadway. Now, around this time, I’m usually sitting in my lawn chair, staring out into the black, wannabe forest that borders the apartment complex, waiting to be spooked by the racoons. But this crash sounded so close, it frighted me. I was scared for everyone involved. I could almost smell the faint odor of burning rubber.

I’m not in the greatest of health. For those who don’t know, I have Epilepsy. Flashing lights are one of the many triggers I have associated with my diagnosis. I’m supposed to be cautious of emergency vehicles at night. Not tonight.. Tonight, without a single concern for myself, before the crash even ended, I was rounding the corner and running at full Sprint (in Crocks) towards the sound. I didn’t think. It was if I was being drawn to the danger.

Needless to say, the crash was on the highway across from the Everyday gas station.. not to the right.. So dispite my efforts, emergency vehicles had already started to arrive. Which I am thankful for. Police, fire department and ambulance made the almost 1/2 miles before I could. My heart sunk when the sound of a second ambulance reached the scene.

I make it back to the apartment complex and I told my parents what I just did.. and in all honesty I’m a bit taken aback by the reaction. I felt chastised for not thinking about my condition. Look, dad… I don’t know what I was doing or going to do. I knew that the sound of that crash made me want to help. Can you fault me for thinking about the welfare of another?

Now, I still have no idea what happened… What or who was involved, but dear God, I pray.. beg and plead the individual/s survived. I feel like I could have been helpful if I would have made it. But help arrived in record time.

#Grandview, Mo

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